more catch up.... *sigh*

Ok lets see catch up.

CKU rocked, and so did my dorm! We won!!

Coming back to the real world, bleh. I want to live at CKU.

Found some cool scrapping friends hooray!!

No baby this go around, *sigh*

Here we go again, starting the whole process again *double sigh*

I've taken on too much at work, but oh well, I need something to take my mind of the fact that my stupid body doesn't work right.

I was just reminded last night that I will probably never get to do some of the things I love to do most in the whole world. Act/Sing/Dance.

Thats kinda it so far. More on this last one.

So last night I get an email from one of the theatre people with whom I served on a committee earlier this year. He emailed to remind me about the auditions for a show that I would LOVE to be in. The auditions are this saturday and then a few people on Tues. He said we should have two pieces ready for audition, (singing pieces) well A. I don't play piano nor do I have an accompanist to help me out with that, though I suppose I could try it accapella. B. I can't imagine having time for the rehearsals. I've already committed to too much at work on top of my usual teaching schedule and I want to start scrapping more and I still have my home life to attend to, not to mention I may be *hopefully* will be pregnant in about 4-5 weeks. I don't think I can do this, which hurts me more than I can really express.

The stage used to be my life, I am a talented singer, I know that for a fact. Am I the greatest, nope, but I'm good, actually pretty great when I get going. I was pretty good with the dance and acting. In fact for several years of my life, that was the direction I was headed in. I was going to go into musical theatre. Then I got cold feet. I turned to my other love, biology, and went down the road and tried not to look back.

Over the years I have dabbled in the theatre arts again, to my extreme happiness, I sang with various choirs, and even decided to audition in community theatre a few years ago, didn't get a spot (how I'm not certain, do they know who I am? *chuckle*). That audition though it didn't lead to a part was pure heaven, just to be on a stage put me in a spot I hadn't been in for years. I felt like I was where I belonged, it was exhilarating, it was challenging, and it was pure joy. Just ask westexgirl, I called her from the audition, she knows how I was that night.

I want to do that again, but so many things seem to be in the way, I already feel overwhelmed and overcommitted, but alot of it is, I'm scared. My self esteem has taken some hits since highschool, oddly enough while I was far less mature in HS, I did have more self esteem. I know more now, and I'm more me now than I ever have been, but that innocent "cluelessness" was kinda nice too. ;) I'm just not as practiced at this as I used to be, now I see so many more obstacles. Not enough time in the day.

Last night I was thinking about this and I looked ahead in my life and I saw changes, like children coming into the picture and I realized that I may never have time for this kind of thing again. I think that part of my life is over, like until damn retirement or when my kids are out of the house. thats too far away. *sigh* It can't be over, it can't.

Ok, well maybe its the hormones talking (I hate this sh**) or whatever but I'm feeling really really emotional and depressed. *augh* *sigh* whatever. I gotta go, need to grade papers. yay.

Fox.

PS sorry for the non entertaining post but..... hopefully I'll be more peppy, or less depressed later. *shrug*