Green thumbs (hopefully)

I'm pretty proud of myself and DH. We had a plan, executed it and saw it through to the end and I think we are pretty victorious. Ok so we had a few issues along the way but overall, victory.

We had (past tense!) a leaning tree in front of our humble aboad. It was really bugging us, but we've had other things to do and finally it came up in the rotation of things to get dealt with. The Garden center had a sale on the plants we needed to fill in the empty spot of said leaning tree, so we actually went and picked out our plants (although we did have to find an alternate for the original large plant since, um, the large plant we were hoping for was abit too small to be called large. *hmm*). We ended up spending $100 more than we wanted, not surprising, isn't it always that way? We bickered a bit more than we wanted, but again, isn't it always that way? Either way, we finally made it to bed with all our new tools and materials neatly stacked in the garage awaiting the new dawn.

We got up early. Actually no, DH got up early and woke me up. He woke me up before 7 am. Um, no. Early start yes, stupid early, no. Anyway, we got up a while after that (I let him know that "work early" was unacceptable) and we went outside to do battle with the leaning tree. We won and we planted our stuff, and mulched, and used root activator, and stuff and wow! I'm really happy with the outcome. :)

So now I am really hoping the damn plants don't die. Please, please, please don't die.

Dear God, (Lutheran or Catholic, whichever is available) Please do not let the new plants die.
Thank you. Amen.

-Fox

So where can I find God?

Ok well the title of this post is a bit misleading. I know full well where to find God, I have no issue with that. What I'm really alluding to with that title is what church or rather, which denomination do I want to be?

You see, I was raised Catholic, went to church every Sunday, though did not have the excitment of a Catholic school education. Dissapointing I know. but since then I've tried out a couple of other things, but came back around to Catholic because actually, I had come to love my Catholic upbringing. Well I met dh and he's Lutheran, though has several family members who are catholic, I figured, "ha, he's open to converting" Not necessarily cause I think I'm right, but because I wanted to raise my kids/family Catholic too. Well I already knew that Lutheran was kind of Catholic lite, so no biggie.

Well fast forward to now. We've had long discussion about whether each of us would convert to the other, and basically neither of us would ever make the other convert if htey didn't want to, and well it seems that neither of us really wants to leave behind the faith they grew up with. So for now, I call myself a Luthalic. We alternate Sunday's one at one church the other at the other church. No problems really, except when we have kids (hopefully soon) we both agree we should pick one and worship together as a family. We just can't decide which one.

The event that prompts this post was this past Sunday (after a long hiatus from church simply because we've been lazy, oh yeah and I was kinda upset with God) we went to the Lutheran church. It never ceases to amaze me how incredibly friendly the people are at that church. People don't hesistate to stop and introduce themselves if they don't know you, they are always welcoming, and always have a kind word for you. The Pastor is incredible, one of the nicest and most genuine people I've ever met. The church although fairly small in number of parishioners is huge on activities. They have a very active Sunday school for all ages, they have active youth programs, and best of all an active young singles/families group. These (everyone) people always have some kind of service project going on, if its not habitat for humanity, its the food bank, or simply gathering donations for shelters, or rebuilding a deck for a local elementary school. These people really and truly talk and act on the idea of serving your fellow man is serving God. They don't just talk it, they walk it.

So whats the problem you ask? Well, in my heart of hearts, I think the Lutheran church is where we need to be. Where I feel the people are truly trying to bring God into their everyday lives and then giving back to the lives of others. It's not that I don't think there aren't people in the Catholic community doing the same, I know for a fact there are. but to be honest with you, I don't ever get the same feeling at the catholic church as I do the lutheran one. but I am still having a very hard time with the idea of leaving the Catholic church. I know that if I did, it would tear a little piece out of my heart. It seems silly, its the same God and the same Jesus, but its still a part of me too.

I still just don't know what to do.

I want to be an ostrich

I want to bury my head. Just do that whole thing like in the cartoons where the ostrich just throws its head over and instantly its head plops into a little hole in the ground. I don't want to see, I don't want to hear. I just want to pretend that everything is ok. Tra la la la la, nothing is wrong, I will live my life like usual. Except one day I will wake up and realize my house is empty and devoid of a child, then I will regret my ostrich like tendencies. We've put off the first round of IVF till a couple of weeks from now and the last 2 weeks have been great not having to think about it. Granted I have been incredibly stressed for other reasons, but at least it had nothing to do with my body being non functional. Oh and another bonus, I think I've had a whole month (or more!) of no one poking, prodding, threading or scanning any part of my body and most importantly, my reproductive parts. Thats nice. I like that. I much prefer not sitting in a chilly room, undressed from the waist down with nothing but a pathetic tissue paper square drape across my lap. *sigh*

Anyway, its been nice just being normal again, not "someone going through infertility treatment" although I am still that, but you know.

I was thinking about it the other day and I realized, I almost still don't believe it's happening to me. It's like I'm watching a movie. But then again thats how I've felt during alot of stuff in my life. It's not me, it must be someone else. That kind of thing doesn't happen to me. Well, honey -do, it is happening to me. Holy cow, it is really happening to me. *sigh*