Oh the Ignorance! It deafens me! Oh yeah and I'm gonna be lynched

Ok lets see, what does an instructor hate more than 3 hour long faculty meetings? More than 2 hour long mandatory harrassment training? Whiny students thats what. WHINY STUDENTS! Oh actually whiny students who don't know anything. I just gave an exam, granted, it was hard, it kicked ass, and not in a fun all american truck commercial kind of way. However I showed it to a respected colleague of mine who gives hard exams all the time (I've come to the realization mine have become somewhat flaccid shall we say?) and she said it was perfectly acceptable. Hell, I KNOW it was perfectly acceptable. IT WAS FROM THEIR NOTES! You know the ones I EMAIL TO THEM. Augh! How? How is it that I can take their notes and use them word for word, just taking out a few and they can't fill them in. Now mind you I will admit it was hard, but you know what? what the hell were you studying if not THE NOTES?! My syllabus explicitly states "my exams come from the notes"

*side note* I'm in lab, how do you not know this stuff by now?! we've only been using it for WEEKS! what do you do when you study?! I don't understand?

What are they looking at honestly when they study? You would have thought the stuff I was giving them was written in Damn chinese! We had it in class, they had it in their grubby little fingers. WHAT ARE YOU STUDYING?!!

Augh, is it obvious my frustration is hitting a breaking point? I'm so tired of holding their little hands, while they want to get into professional school, bologna! If you can't fricken' memorize/learn your damn notes, I don't want you dispensing my drugs! Get away from me!

ok, well on the front of the lynching, I fully expect my tires to be slashed tonight. *sigh* I was kind of expecting to see a line of people outside my office waiting to tell me how "unfair" my exam was. *read "unfair" as "hard"* Then again, they probably can't find my office. ooohhhh, that was harsh.

I'm so glad that my exam while hard was straight from the notes, no question about it they had access to the information. I have covered MY ass. Evidently the students don't know how to do that for themselves.

I almost want to go back to school for the sheer fact that I think I would totally break the curve. I would so totally be at the top of my game. School would have been so easy if I had known then what I know now. Stupid stupid me for wasting my time. It wasn't a total waste, I mean, I am here aren't I, and I'm happy with my education/career/life, but man, I could have graduated suma or magna or some other laude. Really, and vet school, while not a breeze by any stretch (thats some hard work there) I know I could do it, beyond a shadow of a doubt.

I owe alot of that previous talk up there to my best friend Shannon, she's the one who kicked me in the head and said "of course you can do it!" then I started believeing it.

Ok well, I guess thats it for now. I do not relish the idea of my 6 pm class tonight, I don't like making people cry. It makes me uncomfortable, oh and seriously I have such an issue with wanting to be liked, I know my students don't like me now. but you know, its not about whether they like you or not. *sigh* thats a lesson that IS hard for me to learn.

see ya,
the fox

a brief list of annoyances

5 things I am hating right now:

1. This semester, I'm sooo very tired of it, go away everyone, GO AWAY!
2. The damn homeowners association. tonight was the first time I truly, really wanted to move to the country simply so I could stand at my door with a shotgun and say "Git off'n my property!"
3. Did I mention this semester?
4. Coming up with the bright idea of rewriting my lecture at the last moment.... stupid... stupid...
5. Not enough hours in the day...augh.

A million different directions

This is more for my benefit than yours so if this post doesn't make any sense, well, I'm afraid it does to me, you are but an after thought. I apologize, I will try to find better programming for your entertainment next time.

I'm a mess. At least I feel like one. I think I look like one too. I've tried concentrating but its been really difficult. I've cleaned off my desk so my workspace isn't so cluttered, and I've sat down to read and try to make some notes for lecture, but my head is just full of thick, thick, dark molasses. words just aren't making it through the viscous liquid very easily.

I already know I'm physically tired, both from stress and being sleep deprived last night. Then I looked up at the mirror sitting next to my desk, oh sweet jesus. I LOOK like hell. No makeup, hair pulled back in a ponytail, t-shirt and jeans (not seeing any students today, simply hiding out in my office "working" trying to anyway). I look awful, I don't want to be like this anymore, I'm not complaining, more talking to myself. I want to be light, and free. Light like a feather. I don't even just mean weight, thought that would help, I mean in my head, in my heart. I feel heavy with stress. *sigh* It's about dh. this is the first time I feel like our marriage is really being tested. Not in a way that we would end up split up, that would never happen. It's not an option for either of us, and I don't want to be without him. Its more a situation, that has us both stressed, very very stressed, with few options. Sort of. anyway. this isn't helping much, though I think I'm a bit more awake, so, I should try to get my notes done.

*sigh*

-fox