Gotta get back to church, and the uncertainty of being friendly.

First things first, evidently DH and I desperately need to get back to going to church each Sunday. We've fallen out of the practice for various reasons; 1. Things come up that conflict with the time, family events etc. 2. We're lazy. Ok so not various reasons. Actually its just one reason; we're lazy. We could have made time, gone to a different service etc. but some sundays we've just chosen to not go, or to really just sleep in and not go. We both enjoy going to church (really I do, its a nice time to just focus and talk to God), and we both feel its an integral part of our lives and marriage. It's just that sometimes sleep seems more integral to our marriage at least at that moment, since just one second before I was actually asleep. If your asleep you can't argue, so see, sleep contributes to a happy marriage! Anyway, I think we should get back to the church going because well, things have not been going so well, I mean from a health standpoint. I know this will seem very superstitious and being a scientist I do not consider myself to be superstitious, but well, sometimes I'm religous, and since I'm Roman Catholic, well, that means "no church = badness"

So here we are. In just the past 2 months, 5 people in my family have been in the hospital. First myself, yes it was a planned surgery but still, I had to be there. Second, sister in law, again planned surgery, but there obviously had to be something wrong to be there. Third, my aunt contracted a nosocomial infection (hospital acquired) meningitis to be exact. *sigh* she's still there, but doing better. Fourth My DH's grandfather, we just heard today is in the hospital instead of the nursing home. We've haven't heard much else, I'll keep you updated. Then finally fifth my little nephew is at Texas Childrens right now with a fever and lack of appetite, I'm sure he'll be ok, but still.

I've never had so many people I cared about in some kind of medical trauma, serious medical trauma. *sigh* Ok, so, back to church. I know I know, its not "works" its "faith", but for me, I gotta feel my faith through my works. Sometimes you need the tangible, the flickering of a candle, the smell of incense, the creak of a wooden pew, the colored kaleidascope of stained glass. For me those tangible items help me channel my mind in a state of grace. I need to get back to my faith. Get back to my church. *sigh*


Ok now the uncertainty of being friendly, I'll try to keep this short because I'm sleepy weepy. Westexgirl will probably chuckle when she reads this because its so true. I have always considered myself to be an extrovert, a friendly person who liked to befriend the new person so they wouldn't feel lonely. And I seem to recall times when I did that in elementary/middle and highschool. But now, I've become less extroverted in that way, less...... friendly. *gasp!* I don't mean to be and when people talk to me I'm very nice and I will engage in conversation, even with complete strangers in line at the grocery store. But I find that to be infinitely more easy than actually making a friend.

I'm hard to pin down when it comes to being my friend. I like being social, but for some reason resist making definite plans. I like being there once I'm there but, the getting there for some reason I am very uncomfortable with. As well as the promising to be there, like I always want to have the ability to change my mind. Whatever it is, I don't mean to do it, I want to be your friend, but, for some reason, its hard for me.

what this comes to is for this event in Sept. my friends and I have asked a few other people to join our group and well, I would really like to get to know these people (since they basically are random strangers who seem nice)and in fact perhaps crop with them. but in looking at some of their layouts, they are a tight knit group of 3. They look happy to be the way they are. Why would they ever want to add another? I feel like an interloper even thinking about approaching them. They may wonder "What is she trying to do?" Why is she trying to join us?" When all I really want is a friend, or maybe a couple would be nice. *sigh*

I feel like a kid again. Will they like me? Will I like them? What if we don't mesh? What if they don't want me in their group? I know, quite with they worrying, just meet people and eventually you'll find friends. I know. Being friendly is hard for me, which sounds funny. I'm great at being friendly, but its harder to be you know, FRIENDLY, friendly.

Being friendly means you let people in, and maybe they don't want what you have to offer. *sigh* Oh well, their loss right? Right.

The uncertainty of being friendly.

Sadness and Lessons

It's been an interesting day. I went to the hospital again to visit my sister in law and give her some company for a bit, I'm certain she's probably tired of those four walls in the hospital. So I got there we visited for a while, it was nice, that particular sister in law and I haven't spent alot of time together, and I'm a bit closer to her sister than her. but we got along great and I think we are closer for it. :)

The other part of my visit was visiting my own sister in the hospital, luckily she isn't sick, she's a nurse. She is a pediatric oncology nurse. Yup, you heard correctly, she works with kids with cancer. And yes, it is hard. In fact today was a little harder than most. I called her to let her know I was there, I wanted to stop by and say hello and see where she works (I've never been there) and she said she'd be glad to see me and in fact why don't we grab lunch, she said "It would be nice to see you, I lost one of my little patients this morning." *sigh* so how could I not agree to wait a paltry hour and 45 minutes to have a bite to eat with my sister. You know, people say that God doesn't speak to us, they just aren't listening. God told me this morning, "Family is so important, spend time with them while they, and you, are here." He did not speak with words, a note or email. He didn't whisper in my ear, or come as a voice in my head. He did not speak through a preacher, pastor, or priest. He spoke through a 3 year old little boy with cancer, who is now in the arms of Jesus listening to a bedtime story.

I waited in the waiting room of the pediatric clinic, it was brightly colored and had a play area full of water color drawings obviously done by children. There were parents with children waiting their turns to see the medical staff. There was a little girl about 3 yrs old, with blonde hair and pink flowery dress, that looked so much like my niece, except she had a surgical mask on. Her mom was so encouraging, and the nurse who came to get them told her what a good girl she was for wearing her mask. The little girl agreed and replied "It keeps out the bad." I later walked through the pediatric ward and saw her in a bed with her mom feeding her lunch, she evidently had come in for some kind of treatment.

I admire my sister so very much, I wonder if she knows just how proud I am to be her sister. Don't worry I'll tell her, I'll let her know, believe me I don't let those opportunities pass by very often. I was happy to have lunch with my sister, I waited for an hour and forty-five minutes and didn't care a bit. We only had a 1/2 hour and we scarfed down some fries and chicken sandwiches, but we talked and laughed, I hope I brightened her day and when I left her floor she thanked me for being there and gave me a hug, a good one. I hugged her back and said, "sure, anytime".

Thank you God, for my sister in law, I hope I brightened her day, and gave her some company. Thank you God for my sister who is so strong as to take care of those who need so much. Thank you God for putting me in the right spot at the right time, I hope I brought her some happiness today, and thank you God on behalf of the family of the little boy, for the 3 years he was on this earth to share time with them. Thank you for reminding me that we should all hug our loved ones a little closer, and never pass up a chance to "grab some lunch". His few years were not in vain, he has touched my life as well as many others. Though I did not know him, he's in my heart. Thank you Z. 2003 -2006.

Thanksgiving

First things first, I learned today to give thanks for the ability to go to a Chik-fil-a everyday if I want to (good thing I don't, I'd be as big as a house) My inlaws who have been married for 43 years today (gives you an idea of their age) and have lived in Texas their entire lives, have never had Chik-fil-a until today. Oh the humanity! No man woman or child should have to suffer that kind of life. *sigh*

I drove my inlaws into the city to the hospital because their daughter was undergoing liver surgery today. Now their daughter is 40 and the hospital was MD Anderson Cancer Center, one of the most wonderful institutions of medicine in the world, honestly. By the grace of the good Lord above, her liver tumor was not malignant, and the surgery went beautifuly, better than expected even. During her surgery, we waited and walked around the hospital, went to get lunch etc. and everywhere, I obviously saw, patients. It is a hospital after all. I saw cancer patients who were bald, cancer patients who were emaciated, patients who while not so bad off, looked tired as all get out. I saw patients out walking with tubes emanating from their bodies and hooked up to 3 or 4 bags filled with different colored liquids which I can only guess are pain meds, fluids, chemo? They were pushing bags and monitor machines along with them as they made their way to the cafeteria or out to the garden for a bit of outside air. I saw waiting rooms full of people reading, sleeping, talking quietly, putting together puzzles, just waiting. waiting anxiously, worriedly, with deep furrows on their brows as a loved one was being treated or operated on.
I saw people who were in their dark hours, these were the times we all fear. What is the one thing we all (i'm certain) pray for? "Please God, take care of my family, keep them safe and healthy." These people in some fashion or another, had not fallen under that category. They were not healthy, they were not safe. I am in no way trying to say God didn't heed any prayers or that God had not held these people in his hands. Nay, he was cradling them close at this moment. People of all races, ages, and creeds touched by Cancer. *sigh* Enough rambling, I titled this blog entry as Thanksgiving. I gave thanks today that while I may have my issues, that the good Lord has seen fit to take care of my family and keep them safe and healthy. Thank you God.

I also felt the need to volunteer at MD Anderson, I'm going to mull that for a bit. So many people who have a need, what do I have to give?

-The Fox.

The Sickness that is Scrapbooking

Well friends and neighbors (0k, friend and no neighbors) I have registered for the coveted CKU! *insert Handels messiah music* Yes, if you read westexgirl's Random Musings (excellent reading whenever she updates, though I'm not pointing any fingers) She mentioned something about speind $345 american dollars for a scrapping retreat and picking classes and all the stress that came with that. Well, let me tell you, not only was it kind of stressing it was crazy! Registration began at 7 pm online. We heard horror stories from other previous CKU students. We were ready (ok I was driving into the school parking lot to get to my computer at 10 minutes till, I was there man with a few minutes to spare), we had alternate schedules, our log on ID's, our credit cards (for certain) and quite possibly our passports, birth certificates, all college transcripts, 3 letters of recommendation from certified scrappers, confirmation and or baptism certificate, and finally just for extra measure that piece of paper with your baby footprint on it. I also found and lit my baptismal candle, it never hurts to have Jesus on your side when your registering for CKU.

So we both log on to the website awaiting the magical scrapping hour of 7:00 pm exactly and on said website theyhave a countdown clock. Sweet mother Mary! As if we weren't already about to upchuck from the stress! Augh augh augh! It says 2 minutes and 24 seconds! 1 minute 15 seconds! 54 Seconds! 15 SECONDS!! As the clock ticks down we are "refreshing" the page so that as soon as the glittering, golden "Register Now" button is available we can click it with lightening quick index fingers! Augh AUGH! "Register Now! REGISTER NOW!!! We click!

I'm so shakey I can barely type in my email address and password, "who am I ? who am I ? Oh yeah yeah, Redfox!" Finally we key in our credit cards which the website hungrily takes first "uh uh uh, no lookey lookey at the classes until you pay-ee pay-ee" so we pay the sum of $345.00 and start to register for classes, there is only the sound of keyboard clicking and random mutterings...."10:45....Ribbon rehab.....Yes!.....2:00.....card.....creations...oh yeah thats me........Saturday......Fabric of life......" and so on. Until we have booked our classes. Luckily neither one of us ran into the dreaded "class is full" signal. We finish giddy with the excitement of getting the classes we wanted and when we wanted them, Hah! Beat the system! but then, I got a feeling of well, let down, you know the feeling after you've ripped through all your gifts Christmas morning and your hoping you missed one under all the wrapping paper or behind the tree, but no, you got them all. It was a bit anticlimatic. Although mind you I'm not complaining I'm happy to have had an uneventful registration versus a more "exciting" one. But anyway, so now we are on our way to scrapping nirvana. Where everyone knows the ongoing saga of "silent eyelet setting" and everyone knows what your talking about when you say you distressed your bazzill, and where I would most assuredly get a loud cheer as I loudly proclaim "Chatterbox Rox my Sox!" Where we will be "Deja Vue Diva's", "Junkitz Junkies" and "Making Memories Maidens".*

This sickness known as scrapbooking is great, while I admit I have bought far more product than I have put out product. It doesn't matter, its the adult version of sticker collections and pencil collections, of drawing and making pretty things and creative things and glueing and pasting. Except now, someone takes your results seriously, the refrigerator was a lovely gallery when you were six, but now, you have beautiful books to put your latest creation in, or hang them in frames, or even get them published in a magazine. Awesome.

I hope they never find a cure. May the Mantra "I am so good at this!" ring out with every layout, card, or paper project. I can't wait for September!

-The Fox


*Ok one more, "Simple Scrapbooks Sluts" not one I'm nominating for the T-shirt.

Grocery shopper

Ok, I'm going to make a concerted effort 1. to blog more than once a semester and 2. to be more positive in my blogging. I guess I just don't feel the need to blog until I feel the need to complain, sorry blog world. Anyway here goes.

So I finally got my grocery list together and decided to head to the Krogers instead of HEB. Armed with my new (re) found sense of financial independence/thriftiness (don't ask why new (re) found, its a long story not to be recounted here) I decided to find out if indeed Kroger was significantly more expensive than the HEB. So I set off on my financial expedition. After purchasing my weeks groceries I came home and pulled out old HEB receipts and compared prices for the same items. Turns out, over the long haul, Kroger is only slightly more expensive about $0.60 - $1.50, cumulatively. So, I can shop where ever I like. Wow, I know you were glad to hear that conclusion. But now my dilemma comes in that well, while Kroger's produce is more nicely displayed and somewhat better quality, their Seafood collection is PATHETIC. *sigh* what to do, what to do. Over all the Kroger is a somewhat nicer if more suburban shopping experience. The HEB, while a bit darker in appearance has a nicer selection of "urbanish" products and feel. Oh, the decisions! I tell you, my life, it could be on day time TV and I don't mean Springer. I suppose thats it for now.

Oh but I have to say I am soooo jealous of Westexgirls scrapping finds.

Ok gotta go make dinner before the DH comes home, I'm so domestic. *snicker*