Gotta get back to church, and the uncertainty of being friendly.

First things first, evidently DH and I desperately need to get back to going to church each Sunday. We've fallen out of the practice for various reasons; 1. Things come up that conflict with the time, family events etc. 2. We're lazy. Ok so not various reasons. Actually its just one reason; we're lazy. We could have made time, gone to a different service etc. but some sundays we've just chosen to not go, or to really just sleep in and not go. We both enjoy going to church (really I do, its a nice time to just focus and talk to God), and we both feel its an integral part of our lives and marriage. It's just that sometimes sleep seems more integral to our marriage at least at that moment, since just one second before I was actually asleep. If your asleep you can't argue, so see, sleep contributes to a happy marriage! Anyway, I think we should get back to the church going because well, things have not been going so well, I mean from a health standpoint. I know this will seem very superstitious and being a scientist I do not consider myself to be superstitious, but well, sometimes I'm religous, and since I'm Roman Catholic, well, that means "no church = badness"

So here we are. In just the past 2 months, 5 people in my family have been in the hospital. First myself, yes it was a planned surgery but still, I had to be there. Second, sister in law, again planned surgery, but there obviously had to be something wrong to be there. Third, my aunt contracted a nosocomial infection (hospital acquired) meningitis to be exact. *sigh* she's still there, but doing better. Fourth My DH's grandfather, we just heard today is in the hospital instead of the nursing home. We've haven't heard much else, I'll keep you updated. Then finally fifth my little nephew is at Texas Childrens right now with a fever and lack of appetite, I'm sure he'll be ok, but still.

I've never had so many people I cared about in some kind of medical trauma, serious medical trauma. *sigh* Ok, so, back to church. I know I know, its not "works" its "faith", but for me, I gotta feel my faith through my works. Sometimes you need the tangible, the flickering of a candle, the smell of incense, the creak of a wooden pew, the colored kaleidascope of stained glass. For me those tangible items help me channel my mind in a state of grace. I need to get back to my faith. Get back to my church. *sigh*


Ok now the uncertainty of being friendly, I'll try to keep this short because I'm sleepy weepy. Westexgirl will probably chuckle when she reads this because its so true. I have always considered myself to be an extrovert, a friendly person who liked to befriend the new person so they wouldn't feel lonely. And I seem to recall times when I did that in elementary/middle and highschool. But now, I've become less extroverted in that way, less...... friendly. *gasp!* I don't mean to be and when people talk to me I'm very nice and I will engage in conversation, even with complete strangers in line at the grocery store. But I find that to be infinitely more easy than actually making a friend.

I'm hard to pin down when it comes to being my friend. I like being social, but for some reason resist making definite plans. I like being there once I'm there but, the getting there for some reason I am very uncomfortable with. As well as the promising to be there, like I always want to have the ability to change my mind. Whatever it is, I don't mean to do it, I want to be your friend, but, for some reason, its hard for me.

what this comes to is for this event in Sept. my friends and I have asked a few other people to join our group and well, I would really like to get to know these people (since they basically are random strangers who seem nice)and in fact perhaps crop with them. but in looking at some of their layouts, they are a tight knit group of 3. They look happy to be the way they are. Why would they ever want to add another? I feel like an interloper even thinking about approaching them. They may wonder "What is she trying to do?" Why is she trying to join us?" When all I really want is a friend, or maybe a couple would be nice. *sigh*

I feel like a kid again. Will they like me? Will I like them? What if we don't mesh? What if they don't want me in their group? I know, quite with they worrying, just meet people and eventually you'll find friends. I know. Being friendly is hard for me, which sounds funny. I'm great at being friendly, but its harder to be you know, FRIENDLY, friendly.

Being friendly means you let people in, and maybe they don't want what you have to offer. *sigh* Oh well, their loss right? Right.

The uncertainty of being friendly.