This is exactly how I am feeling right now.

Someone posted a link to this youtube video on the veggieboard.

Finally a song that describes exactly how I've been feeling about our infertility.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqfGqOx2iDQ

*sigh*

*sob*

*sigh*

I want Tim Holtz's job.

I've just read through my blogs-o-teh-mornin' and well, I want Tim Holtz's job. I want a job where I get to travel across American (and cruise to tropical destinations) and teach people (who adore me) cool artsy stuff. *sigh* Oh well. I love my job don't get me wrong, but the cool traveling (yes it can get tedious I'm sure) the artsy, and the people who adore me parts are all, well, lets just say one step above my current awesome job. I teach, but it's not artsy, does not involve traveling and my students certainly do not adore me. At least not all of them, and definitely not with the fervor that scrapping women adore gay scrapping men.

I know you know what I mean.

I want Tim Holtz's job.

proofreading

Ok for all you editor like people (Nee) I apologize for the enormous run on sentence in my previous post. *note to self* Proofreading is my friend.

NO to the negativity.

I don't think I'm a negative person. Not usually anyway. Sometimes I hit a funk and I will be downright depressed. I also will b!tch about things/events going on at the moment as well. We all do, I mostly just complain to my bff westexgirl. Anyway, sometimes I catch myself being kinda snarky negative when someone else is being la la land positive (As in they are in their own la la land).

I read my list of blogs this morning (I have a list of blogs that I MUST read everyday) and a couple of those are blogs of scrappers. One in particular (Ali Edwards) is proposing this kind of challenge idea for the weekends and all in all a great idea, but when she proposes it she prefaces it with the idea that she's "trying to incorporate more creativity in her everyday life" (paraphrased) immediately I mentally stuck a finger in my mouth and thought "barf! whatever, lucky for you ITS YOUR JOB to bring creativity into your life, the rest of us have real jobs!" Then I kept reading and I really liked her idea, and I admonished myself and thought; You know we all have stress, we all have lives, and we all have the choice to do something with our time or not. I think I should just shut up and focus on adding a little more creativity to my everyday life. ;)

Thanks Ali.

Just say No to the negative.

One word in 2008

I have found my word for 2008.

Action
Noun; [ak-shuh n]

1. The process or state of acting or, of being active.
2. Something done or performed.
3. An act that one consciously wills and that may be characterized by
physical or mental activity.
4. Energetic activity.
5. An exertion of power or force.

This word jumped out at me from the list compiled by sweet Ali E. (Thanks westexgirl for turning me onto her blog, she has joined my reading list). Action seems to encompass all the things I had trouble including when thinking of other words. I guess I just felt like I have so many things going on that I felt all other words were too limiting. I know this exercise is all about focusing on one word, but I need that word to be flexible enough as to touch the many parts of my life. For me the word Action represents, decisiveness, confidence, follow through, and most of all progress. See unlike westexgirl, I’m not the uber productive one. That’s not to say I don’t have a lot of irons in the fire, believe me, I do. But many times I feel like I’m standing in the middle of a whirlwind and I find my feet rooted to one spot so overwhelmed with the tasks in my brain that I feel immobilized. Not petrified from fright, but almost sluggish like when you can’t run in a dream. I don’t want that feeling. I want to have “Energetic activity”, I want to “exert power” I want “something done” in my life, and I don’t necessarily just mean my “to do list”.

I want Action in my faith, it has been lacking badly and I can only blame myself. I’ve already set about fixing one part. Dh and I will be attending church (either Catholic or Lutheran) every week. We had become extremely lax on this and I felt like being away from the weekly ritual of at the very least one hour out of the week devoted to talking to, and connecting with God hurt us both separately and as a couple. I also think God on this first Sunday of the New Year (and my new devotion) has dropped a tool in my lap to help me with this. More on that later.

I want Action on my follow through. I had a discussion with God about follow through earlier this year and I need to re-devote myself to that. I’ve already written about that here before, I won’t rehash it. Although I will redefine follow through, I think what I really mean to say is true to my word. Many times, I say things or promise things and I don’t follow through one those words. Like the four agreements, be impeccable with your word. I want action on that.

I want Action on my physical activity. I did pretty well in the fall sticking with my yoga class all the way to the end! I was proud of myself, I had always dropped out (“too busy”) after about 5 weeks before. Last year I made it all 15 weeks, yay me! And I saw great benefit from it, this year I want to continue that action. I will be in an aerobics class 2x a week and I need to do something the other 4 days too.

I want Action on my decisions. I want to be strong in my decisions and act on them immediately. I used to be horribly indecisive and while I’m sure I could still use some help in this dept. I have become so much more decisive. However, for some reason I still feel some fear upon acting on some of those decisions. Those who know me best know that I “think aloud”. I like to come up with ideas and then sit on them, and sit and sit and sit. Craft projects, supplies bought, then put off. Ideas at work that when voiced are accepted, then I am slow to put into action. Ideas for outings with friends brought up and never implemented. No more of that. Those unused craft items are like big neon signs representing my inaction. They make me feel bad, they make me feel untrustworthy, they make me feel unaccomplished and disorganized.

No more. Now, I am about Action.