Good News, Bad News. I can't handle it anymore.

Ok so Monday I found out I was pregnant. The nurse said it, she said we had a positive test. Yay! We told some people, mainly family and some close friends. I went in again today for more blood work. Nurse calls, she says I need to go back in on Friday, my hCG level has dropped. *sigh*

I can't take this.

Ironically I found out this tidbit of info while at a babyshower. Talk about a buzz kill.

I can't handle this.

I am so emotionaly tired I can't see straight. Other things are going on as well that I don't want to go into here.

What I do know is that I alternately love God and hate God. God what are you doing and why are you doing it? I just want to rest. I need some help, I need someone to help me. I can't do it all, I can't take care of everyone else. I need someone to help take care of me.

Please God I can't go through a miscarriage, please God I am begging you, I AM BEGGING YOU. Please show me some mercy please.