Lent

Lent has begun. I didn't even make it a week.

I decided to give up the customary Candy for lent, but not only that, oh no. I decided to give up what I had termed, "extraneous sugar" meaning anything that had high amounts of sugar that were not necessary. Avoidable sugar in other words. Things like candy, cakes, cookies, soda, pie, donuts, ice cream, etc..... I can have diet soda, no extra sugar, and I can have items that don't contain sugar like savory items. I knew it would be hard, I have a sweet tooth the size of, well of, well of Texas I suppose (can't believe I just said that). I am a
candy-holic. And lately I had been turning to cookies as well. So anyway, I've been pretty strong, and in fact yesterday I was over t family's house and we had coffee and they pulled out the cookies. I was sitting right in between two containers of cookies, sweet Jesus! I felt that pull, that gutteral down deep need, to just take one and taste it. but, I refrained, I did well. I kept reminding myself of the movie, Passion of the Christ. I went to bed that night sugar less.

Then today, I've been feeling the sweet song of the sugar all day, and then I sat down, at my desk, after my weight watchers heat up lunch and I spied the small mini square size 3 muskteers in the jar on my desk. their silver beguiling wrapper, glinting in the flourescent glare.
Something came over me and I pulled one out all the while wondeirng who was controlling my arms cause surely it wasn't I who was moving the candy towards me!

I stared at the wrapper between my fingers and I gave it a quick yank. the small chocolate square, jumped out of the package, flipped a couple times and landed right side up on my desk, the perfect squarness and its smooth chocolatey waves were rich and dark.
I picked it up gently with both hands. I brought to my nose and I quietly inhaled. the sweet, milky, warm, sugary smell of chocolate traveled up my nose and into my body. Then. I licked it. ever so slightly, like just slightly tasting it wasn't really consuming it, and the brown smooth cocoa taste was soooo sweet, and familiar. All at once, I found that it had jumped into my mouth, and the soft fluffy chocolatey nougat, melting, melting. The sweet sinful goodness, was sooooooo much better than I had remembered it. All mushy, and smooth, and sweet! Oh so very sweet! And then it was swallowed down, gone.

Then I ate 3 more.

I felt the heavy, woolen, blanket of guilt settle on my shoulders for a minute, It's hard being Catholic.

Thank God for confession!

Thank God for forgiveness.
Thank God for Grace.
Thank God for tomorrow.

Thank God I'm not Jesus, I bet everybody else is pretty thankful for that too.

Thank God I'm not perfect, and God still loves me anyway.

Lent.