Feeling anxiety, so I must complain.

This whole thing with Older Sis unfortunately has got me tied up in knots. I know she isn't giving it another thought, but it really bothers me. I'm angry, annoyed but also sad and I can't help but feel like it was somehow my fault (even though I know it wasn't) or that at least I contributed since I stood my ground and said I wouldn't censor myself. I know I have every right to my opinion as well, but then I wonder should I have just shut my mouth anyway, why make waves. Stupid I know.

Then this whole family land in Icecreamlandia thing, *sigh* I just don't even know. It is a 68 mile drive, ONE WAY. *sigh* I just want to cry. What do I do, I don't know.

Then I know I should start working out. My baby is 2 months now, I want to start getting in shape, I'm tired of being THIS shape, but I can't seem to organize myself enough, motivate myself enough. I'm tired.

Speaking of organization, I want my house to just be the way I want it, it's not working for me right now and I'm tired of that, but there are so many things I want to do or change and I have no help. Dh doesn't help me in that respect.I just want to eat at the table like a real family, and move the coffee table upstairs I guess, although our room is quickly getting smaller and smaller. And the cat room, God I won't even go into that. I need to give that room a good cleaning, and then call in the carpet people to clean the whole upstairs really. We could even put things in some of the closets but oh yea they are full of crap too.

Anyway I need to go make a grocery list. and take a shower before my baby wakes up (again, she already woke up and I had to put her back to sleep).

Perhaps I will come back later and try to put something more coherent together.