My audience calls, as does the pain

OK Sorry B, it was seemingly just a tease. Honestly it's been kinda looney around here but I've decided I want to journal more, I used to keep a paper journal. Those little spiral ones. I'd go to a coffee shop and write my thoughts down, feeling very collegiate and thoughtful doing so. Well here I am, I will try to do the same here, though no coffee shop, my battery doesn't last that long. Oh well.

Bad, bad contractions this morning started at 12:40. I had 4 reeeeaaally bad ones like 2 minutes apart. They hurt so much I couldn't roll over from my side. Crap, it took my breath away. Ugh, I finally got moved around and they have been tapering off for the past hour. I decided to get up cause I was horribly uncomfortable in bed and I didn't want to wake dh anymore. I had woken him up with the bad ones and he helped me move over and then I told him to go back to sleep, it's not like he can help me any. Although he did hold my hand.

Sigh so here I am. I wanted to get up and walk around a bit and it has helped. Good God, if those were just contractions, what in the hell am I going to do with actual active labor?! Sweet Mother Mary, I am going to freaking die! Epidural, epidural, epidural. Drugs are good, drugs are good, drugs are good. Women do this everyday right? In fact thousands are in labor right now, this very second and the vast, vast majority will be just fine... and in fact do it all over again, voluntarily. OK I can do this, with an anesthesiologist, I can do this. God bless modern medicine, thank you dear sweet Jesus above, and I AM NOT being sarcastic.