Random Observations over the last week and a half.

1. I did not immediately think my baby was cute when they pulled her out of my womb. She had the hugest lips and had this horrible grimace on her face! I really thought to myself "OMG my baby is not cute!" Of course I immediately felt like a bad mother (I've become familiar with this feeling already, and I'm sure it will be a constant companion along side pride, wonder, unbelieveable love, and heartache for the rest of my life. Am I right other mothers?), They cleaned her up, wrapped her up and brought her too me and laid her on my chest and I thought "OMG she is the most beautiful being on this earth!"

2. I cannot love my husband more than when he is loving our child. I know it's partly hormones and biology but I also know it's partly God too.

3. I am so glad I have made it a policy to not really go see people at the hospital or in the first week they are home with the baby (except family). If they want me to I will go see them, but for the most part I figure they are tired and overwhelmed, I can visit and help them when they request or later. I now know, I am right. Oh and flowers while beautiful, kinda useless. Oh and always have these items delivered to the house NOT the hospital, it's just more stuff to try to take home.

4. My baby is the most beautiful baby EVAH! and you can't tell me otherwise. No like seriously, she is THE cutest ever created. Like she could be a Gerber Baby model. Today, right now. Where do I sign the contract? Cause while adorably cute, she is also extremely expensive which brings me to #5.

5. How do people with little money have babies? They cost a ton. Now more than likely they did not have pay thousands of dollars to actually conceive but even if you got a "free" baby, um, the accesories and I just mean basics like daipers, wipes, and formula (although if BFing I can obviously see a large price difference.)alone will cause you to take out a second mortgage. Never mind any gadgets to make life easier. Eh, who knows.

6. One of the first realizations I came to in the hospital once everyone had gone and it was quiet. I was holding my baby and I realized that we all started out that small. Everyone, from the lowliest of the low to the mightiest of the mighty. We were all once a tiny helpless child, and we were all someones baby. It added a new facet to my view of humanity. No matter how wonderful or awful we turn out to be, we all started with a blank slate. Tiny, helpless, and new. This thought to me is humbling.

7. I have a new insight into my own mother. I've come to realize over time that my parents are just people, like anyone else. I think most of us come to realize this, but obviously now more so. We have our disagreements and we have our happy times too (luckily more of the latter than the former now), but I now see more, and feel more just how human my mother is. I am now a mother and my own weaknesses and strengths, insecurities, humor, loves, relationships and personality traits are just as present as they were January 16th. I feel like who I am is no different than I was just 2 weeks ago, but yet who I am is different, I have added to who I was. Although how all these parts go together is still in flux. I suppose I'll figure that out eventually (or maybe not?).

8. Time slips by exceedingly fast. How does that happen? Frick, it's already 11:10, pretty much coming on lunchtime. *jeesh*

Ok speaking of which I should probably get a few things done. Isabella is happily (so it appears to me) swinging in her swing. I wonder what she's thinking.

Oh one more thing:

9. Being a biologist is a double edged sword in this case. It's a situation of knowing too much. I have to keep perspective on my worries. Is it really ok to store breast milk or made up formula in ziploc bags or #7 plastic nalgene bottles? What about BPA and leaching plastics? I'd hate to screw up her endocrine system at 12 days old! Am I stimulating my baby enough when she is awake? Her little brain will lay down more neural pathways the more she is exposed to stimuli, AM I NOT STIMULATING ENOUGH?! Is my child not making as many neural pathways as possible because I'm not holding her enough? should I be changing her outfit every morning? she has been in this same outfit for 2.5 days straight, am I a bad mother? I really want to set a night time routine of feeding changing into a new outfit with some "sleepy time lotion massage" Holy crap I didn't get to it tonight, will she feel less loved?! This sling bends her head funny, am I hurting her?, She seems happy but what if SHE'S NOT?! Is dh bonding with the baby enough? Is she missing out on enough "daddy time?" Is sticking my kid in the swing/bouncer ignoring her?

AAAAAAAUUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHH!

Ok, it's in those moments I call my BFF for non-hormonal perspective, then she slaps me upside the head. Thanks, I needed that. ;)

Fox